


middle distance

by misandrywitch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts Era, M/M, Remus pining for Sirius, poem, yeah its a poem i'm really sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-30 09:25:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misandrywitch/pseuds/misandrywitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i've only ever wanted one person to look at me it's an old, old story i read a lot of books, i know how this one ends (remus/sirius, unrequited longing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	middle distance

i.  
it’s night and  
everyone else is asleep and  
you beckon me to come join you on the roof overlooking the world  
i sit down next to you, the right distance away and the metal drainpipe is cold under my bare feet  
you’ve been out here a while and you say your hands are getting numb  
the sky is black and scattered with tiny pinpoints of light, distant balls of gas and the illuminated windows of houses far in the distance  
we are swimming in them, on our cold metal roof boat, drifting in a sea without a shore  
you flick your lighter between your numb fingers and your tiny light joins, an island in the sky  
you are close enough that I can feel the heat and hear your laughter as you fumble  
you’ve got a funny laugh and i want to  
swallow it whole  
we could do anything up here, doesn’t it feel that way? you ask  
i wish that were true  
ii.  
we’ve sat this far apart from each other for years  
five of them, steadily growing taller and bonier and louder (in your case) and quieter (in mine)  
when i first met you, you scared me  
now you scare me in a different way

you always want everybody to look at you  
go out of your way to make sure that they do, with your hair too long and your laugh too loud  
i’ve only ever wanted one person to look at me  
it’s an old, old story  
i read a lot of books, i know how this one ends

we’re sitting at the middle distance and lately you’ve been  
simultaneously too close and too far away from me  
i can smell the smoke from your cigarette and  
count the ridges in your thumb and  
watch the bones under your wrist shift as you brush your hair out of your clear, clear eyes and  
every time you turn that crocodile smile in my direction my heart breaks and my breath stops  
because the space between us is nothing, i could  
reach out with my fingers and put them on your knee, i could  
brush your hair out of your eyes for you but i can’t  
because it feels like an ocean, or a thousand years

you wield your heart like a weapon and i’m not sure mine was ever whole  
no man is an island, our isolations are self-imposed and i don’t know how to touch you with my own fears occupying the space between us

you pass me the cigarette  
your fingers are cold and strong as they brush mine  
i take a drag and can’t help thinking this is the closest i’ll ever get to your mouth

iii.  
cigarette ash spills onto my trousers and i make a move to head back inside before the  
ocean in my heart gets any deeper  
but you grab my wrist with your cold, strong fingers  
‘don’t go,’ you say. ‘the moon is coming out.’  
i don’t want to see it and you know it, i always feel like it’s laughing at me  
it’s just a sliver anyway  
but i sit back down because you asked me to  
i find it hard to say no to you


End file.
